Becoming Death Positive

If you look up the hashtag #deathpositivity on instagram, over 57,000 posts show up. The Order of the Good Death,is a collective founded by death positive pioneer, Caitlin Doughty, who describes herself as an “mortician, activist and funeral industry rabble rouser.” The Order’s mission is to, “remedy our crippling fear of death” and accept, “that death itself is natural but the death anxiety and terror of modern culture are not.”

“I can't think of one person I've ever met who works in end of life care in any way that doesn't feel more joyful, more full of life, '' said Reverend and hospital chaplain, Kathleen Loughlin. “It’s a paradox that almost everyone who spends time in this part of life will tell you about,” she said.

In addition to her work as a medical chaplain, Loughlin has also produced short documentaries like “Dying for a Laugh” about shaking off the taboo of death.

But it’s not all lighthearted laughs. Loughlin’s work toes a line between the grief of lost life and the beauty of life lived. “I think people want to know that someone’s death matters and their life was important,” said Loughlin. “There are times when it's dreadful and it's sad and you cry,” she added. But for Loughlin, being at a death, is a blessing, “I feel incredibly lucky to be part of the end of anyone’s life and be able to support them.”

Death doula Alua Arthur sees death as a new frontier. “I would say rather than it being a solely positive approach to death, it’s just a new perspective,” she said. Arthur is the founder of Going with Grace a death doula and end of life planning service.

“What if when I die,” Arthur said, “ I get to backstroke in a sea of glitter for all eternity? If I can fill death in with beauty, with curiosity and possibility instead of fear and dread, why not fill it in with beauty?”

Death doulas have been slowly gaining popularity in the U.S. their work is varied and somewhat vast. The International End of Live Doula Association describes death doulas as people who provide spiritual, physical and emotional support to those who are dying. Doulas may also work to support families as they navigate the paperwork that surrounds death, like advanced directives, and living wills.

Death doulas can be traced back to the early 1800s, when women, or “watchers" would vigil for the dead at home. After the civil war, and the tour of President Lincoln’s embalmed body, embalming became de rigueur. Death was taken out of the home and into the hospital and mortuary.

That’s also because of developments in modern medicine. One study on end-of-life care around the world noted that pain relief and the hypodermic syringe transformed how people died, death had gone medical. “Medical texts began to give greater attention to the last phases of life,” the study said.

While the medical advancements have been monumental and life saving, they are also life prolonging, sometimes to a patient's detriment.

“The simple view is that medicine exists to fight death and disease and that is, of course, its most basic task,” writes surgeon, Atul Gawande in his book, Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters In the End. “”Death is the enemy,” he continues, “But the enemy has superior forces, eventually it wins and in a war you cannot win, you don’t want a general who fights to the point of total annihilation.”

And things really are shifting. A recent study in the New England Journal of Medicine found that 29.8% of deaths by natural causes occured in hospitals and 30.7% occured at home. While that margin is small, it’s significant.

“People increasingly have an alternative to withering in old age homes and dying in hospitals -- and millions of them are seizing the opportunity” writes Gawande … “We’ve begun rejecting the institutionalized version of aging and death, but we’ve not yet established a new norm.”

Cremation & Burial's New Frontiers

In addition to alternative approaches to death, there are plenty of new and surprising advancements in cremation and burial.

A Service based in Florida called, Eternal Reefs, mixes cremation remains with environmentally safe concrete to form artificial reefs. They are then placed in the ocean and become part of natural sea life.

The Green Burial Council , founded in 2005, works to develop environmentally sustainable death care options and certifies certain cemeteries as Green Burial approved. All Green Burial cemeteries must; forgo embalming, do away with vaults, choose biodegradable containers, caskets and shrouds and discontinue the use of herbicides and pesticides.

“we put enough metal caskets into the ground every year to build the golden gate bridge, that’s ridiculous,” said Bob Jenkins, the founder of Let Your Love Grow. Jenkins has developed a soil that makes cremated remains “plant life available.” You order their specially designed soil, mix it with a loved one’s ashes, and then plant a seed in the soil.

Cremation remains, Bob explained, have a typical high alkaline p.H balance, of 11.8 while soil’s p.H ranges from 5-8 which is scientific jargon meaning; cremated remains are not naturally conducive to plant life.

“We created a product that truly enhances mother nature but also supports the therapeutic need people have to maintain a relationship with the life they have lost,” said Bob. The relationship is maintained, by watching a plant grow, like a phoenix, from the “ashes” of your loved one’s remains.

In 1999 cremation made up 25.39% of all deaths in the US. In 2017, it had risen to 50%. Cremation has been touted as a lower impact, cheaper and easier option. And, as Americans have become less and less religious , there is not as much emphasis put on having a traditional religious burial ceremony.

Cremation is more affordable than embalming. According to Parting.com an average cremation costs $2,000 - $4,000 while an average “traditional” funeral with embalming costs, $7,000 - $10,000 dollars.

But now, even cremation is seen as somewhat passe and not eco-friendly, by those on the cutting edge of end-of-life work -- a typical cremation produces 880 pounds of carbon dioxide. One eco cremation alternative is alkaline hydrolysis or aquamation, where a body is dissolved in hot water and lye.

And while the idea of being “dissolved” might not sound particularly pleasant, something in the funeral industry has to change. Cemeteries across the world are running out of space. “Death is not going to go away, the population keeps growing death is going to keep growing,” said Bob Jenkins -- “we can’t keep putting concrete and metal into the ground.”

Looking Back & Looking Forward

When I started this project, death felt like a niche area to be researching. I often felt as though I was a macabre outsider amongst my peers because of my personal life experience and its influence on my journalistic endeavours. Four months ago, death and dying was hardly front page news, but everything has changed. On March 20th California went into lockdown to help stop the spread of the coronavirus and death tolls took the place of political polls on the national stage.

Each night newscasters read out the numbers of people who have died from this disease. Our newspapers are filled with terrible images of mass graves. Death suddenly seems to be breathing down all of our necks.

After speaking with end-of-life practitioners, death doulas, spiritual guides, funeral home owners and people reaching the end of their own lives, I’m still not sure if I feel positive, or joyful about death. People dying from the coronavirus, without their families, in hospitals, is devastating.

The coronavirus has changed my life, and it hasn’t. I was already scared about my dad’s health, I already felt close to death. But, as crises tend to do, it has also brought into sharp relief how lucky I am to love someone so much, that even the idea of losing them could throw me off my axis entirely.

I can’t possibly imagine what it feels like to lose someone you love, especially right now. But, if there is any joy or even peace to be found in the midst of death, I believe it lies between the pain of loss and the exuberance of loving other people.

And maybe as Alua Arthur positied, we will get to, “backstroke in a sea of glitter for all eternity.” If that’s the case, whenever death does, “stop for me,” I’ll be ready.